DEC, 2010 – Ah, Twitter. The twitterverse. My tweeps. This little social networking tool sometimes sweeps me off my feet. And that, is a good thing. Out of frustration trying to pick out a decent holiday card for my Ex, I went to Twitter. I was trying to find something not mushy (despite lingering feelings) but also not “best pal” themed either. There’s nothing in Hallmark appropriate to send the Ex.
However, when my frustrations of holiday pressure took over, my good intentions were turned on a dime when I created the hashtag #greetingcardstoexes. Naturally, people would assume that a greeting card to an Ex would be malicious, snarky or down right scary. My friends and I ended up penning some quips that would be perfectly suited to card givers who might not be on the best of terms with their Exes.
With any luck, I’ll actually convince one of my equally insane artist pals to sketch these up and we’ll make a mint as evil greeting card creators.
Thanks to those who are playing along at home:
@JK_Woodward:
* Tis a season of serenity and the yule log is burned(open card) do you think now I can have my cd’s returned?
* Something to think about, this festive time of year-(opens card) you shouldn’t have made me chose between you and beer!
* Enjoy being single. You can do what you please (open card) you don’t even have to thank me, for the social disease.
@mariomuscar
* I thought I’d tell you…I can still do that thing with my tongue. Miss it yet?
* The greatest gift you’ve given me this season…” (open card) “…is not having to watch your lame-ass movies & TV shows.
* I know we’re not together anymore so I wanted you to know… (open card) …you better get checked for Chlamydia.
* Spurned Exes by Hallmark. “This Holiday Season, I just wanted to say…” (open card) “Go fuck yourself.”
@jimmyaquino
* Your mom says Merry Christmas.
@i_am_scifi (Ian)
* Life is like a box of chocolates…” (opens card) “…and you’re freaking nuts.
* This is the time to think about who you love.” (opens card) “Baby, thank God you’re not it.
@storrieville (Paul)
* During the holidays, we remember those who make our lives richer / My therapist is thinking of you.
@elizabethamber
* Watching you open presents this year won’t be the same … since I have to use binoculars from the fire escape.
* Honestly the cat wants visitation with you for the holidays… it’s not just a sad ploy so I can see you.
* I wanted your Christmas present to be a Wii… but I can’t get the restraining order lifted by your
attorney.
* There’s nothing like a warm fire during the holidays / especially when I’m burning your entire Excalibur run.
* The holidays – it’s a time for sharing and caring… I cared when I shared your box of condoms with your brother.
* In honor of Baby Jesus, here’s a present… It’s an airborne plague.
Founder and Editor-in-Chief of AmberUnmasked.com and Vodka O'Clock Podcast. Author of The Farrah Wethers Mysteries, comic book short stories, prose, and non-fiction. Cosplayer and figure model.