Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency Year Five:
Case File No. 37-245
AMBER LOVE 24-JAN-2022 Find out how all this began. Catch up on Year One, Year Two, Year Three, and Year Four cases at the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency.
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Where We Left Off:
A new stranger came lurking around and was scared off by one of the Gorgons.
Riffraff:
January has been difficult on Gus emotionally. He hates that we haven’t been on adventures much. There is still plenty of crime indoors that has kept him and Oliver busy at night. I wish their hunting was during the daytime. I really do. I end up with many mornings of being in bed too late and then being cranky and still exhausted when I get up.
The Bloody Burrow Gang of mice is still going strong even after their leader was taken out. Every day, we hear the scratching and running behind the walls. All of the cats’ and my hard work doesn’t seem to be making a dent in their organization. We know they’ve been here for generations, but at some point, wouldn’t you think it would have to stop? Why doesn’t the presence of cats scare them?
The Grumpy Old Man discovered some horrifying evidence of the previous kitchen mice. Some time ago, he plugged in a hypersonic device on the countertop that we think has been keeping the mice off the counters and stove. But what no one realized was how much damage they had done before that repellant was installed.
It’s one of The Grumpy Old Man’s chores to clean the stove and oven. He’s thorough. It turns out this stove has a metal cover where the food splatters under the burner irons. That’s normal. The wires and propane tubes are under that cover. Well one night, he thought he saw a cotton ball down one of the holes of this cover piece. He hadn’t noticed this humongous nest under the stovetop other times when cleaning the burners and stove.
A couple miracles here:
- The Old Man noticed something in the hole when he was doing ordinary cleaning of the stovetop. It could’ve easily been overlooked again.
- The mice DID chew through wires and there wasn’t a fire. That is a miracle!
And during this, a chunk of the granite counter broke off!
Also, I don’t want to hear shit about allowing my cat to catch mice. It probably saves our lives. I’ve had a YouTube comment and an Instagram comment about how barbaric it is that I let Gus do his job. The IG person was an angry vegan, whereas the YouTuber was merely showing sweet, compassion for the critter in a nice way. Plus, these people clearly aren’t watching the countless videos I have of rodent releases. The Grumpy Old Man thinks I should kill the critters; The Cook thinks I’m nuts for walking across the street to release them rather than tossing them right out the door.
Between January 6th and 9th, I had plenty of chances to use alternative methods of handling the trespassing mice. On the 6th, I was the only human to back up Oliver and Gus when there was an intruder. There was so much commotion! Oliver did great handling the situation as the first on the scene. All the noise caused Gus to jump out of bed. I had just taken my sedative. Of course. Gus delivered the critter of interest. I didn’t see Oliver follow but he was here when I closed the doors. It was a difficult pursuit. Gus would not release the perp. My boobs got rug burn from crawling under the bed.
There was a 2nd one at 2AM but it got away.
3AM. Another intruder. Another escape. This one even more elaborate. Third in a row to escape. Small, exceptionally fast. Ran into the bookcase then flew over my arm by the box fort and got to the baseboard. Might be the same Speedy Gonzales motherforker. Gus and Ollie did good work. Ollie thinks he deserves more treats than he was given.
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Eventually, there was an criminal critter that I managed to catch before it dodged us and escaped. It was released a little further away than where I usually go (Swipe above Instagram post for release video). My hair was still wet from my shower. I had just taken my sedative. The critter was not eager to be outdoors — and why would it? It had a cushy luxurious life inside the house. Then it was soaked in cat spit and in the freezing cold grass. It’s hard to keep track of them when there doesn’t seem to be any break.
January 9th, The perp he brought to the Winchester-Nabu Detective Agency offices tonight may be the one who escaped twice, but I doubt it. That one had crazy super powers and this one wasn’t all Cross90X or whatever. Gus went through his routine of going under the bed, circling by me, getting under the desk then around to the cat fort. This happens as many times as possible in fifteen minutes. This was one instance where the critter didn’t survive the “ride” in Gus’ majestic fangs. I had to take the body away from him. I put it in the transportation jar and we walked out to the balcony.
Gus immediately began a lookout through the railings to see if there was any activity in the darkness. I said a few words to honor the deceased perp who was only living its best life in a system of generational, systemic squatting and thieving. Then I tossed the body over the railing into the snow for a Nordic farewell. I wasn’t about to carry the perp to the grove nor start a funerary pyre. I hoped an owl, blue jay, or hawk would come take the body, but it was still frozen there a week later.
Case Findings:
The descendants of Ms. Blanche Burrow, the real organizer and former leader of the Bloody Burrow Gang, are still thriving inside the Winchester-Nabu residence. They are doing better than ever despite the constant assaults by Gus and Oliver.
Case Status: Closed (but there are always more intruders)
Founder and Editor-in-Chief of AmberUnmasked.com and Vodka O'Clock Podcast. Author of The Farrah Wethers Mysteries, comic book short stories, prose, and non-fiction. Cosplayer and figure model.